Author: Kimberly Smith

A few months ago I was in Nauvoo, Illinois, taking a stroll around the parking lot of the church. I was in one of those modes of trying to figure out where I fit in. It’s a meandering thought that plagues all of us throughout our lifetime. We have these moments where we don’t feel like we belong or understand where we fit in. The question becomes even more profound after we have experienced trauma, therefore, after the abuse I suffered as a child, I was in a constant mode of feeling like I didn’t belong to anything or anybody. I thanked God that I have a jolly heart. I leaned on that, riding the wave of life, trying to be as happy as I could, but there was always a lingering pull toward some destination I had no idea of. It was an unnamed territory. This left me feeling lost and unsure of myself.

I would watch many friends around me engage in routine social pleasures, but I often stayed aloof. A good portion of myself was happy to be alone because I was still in my safety box. I’ve always been an introvert with extroverted tendencies, someone who craves social interaction and fun yet values the times I can crawl into my shell and hide from everyone. There’s a particular scene in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer where Rudolph is trying to find his parents and his girlfriend. As he travels, he begins to grow, and along the way, he finds a couple of polar bears to play with, but his joy doesn’t last long because he hears the roar of the abominable, and he has to move on. That is how it always felt. I had an unstructured childhood, constantly on the move, staying in places for a little while, making friends, and then we would move again. Today, I’m constantly on the move, doing firesides and meeting new people. I’m not complaining at all; it’s one of the most amazing blessings in my life, but still, there’s that little part of me that wonders where I fit in, and that was my question for that day: where do I fit in because I do not feel like I fit into the world?

After becoming a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I was propelled into a world I wasn’t prepared for. That is not to say I was not happy, quite the opposite. But suddenly, this shift required me to be out of my safety box. That is when I began to do the firesides, standing in front of hundreds and sometimes thousands of people and speaking about the importance of following the Holy Ghost in all things, aligning yourself with the Savior, and forgiveness.

Fast forward 20 years later, I have learned much on this journey and grown exponentially. I understand the mission I’ve been given to reach out to people and help heal hearts and in the process I’ve healed as well. But there I was on that hot summer day musing in the parking lot of the church. I looked up at the Nauvoo Temple and silently said, “I have never felt like I fit in. Never. Even though I have good friends and feel close to people, I just don’t feel like I fit into the world.”

I no sooner uttered the question when a voice said to me, “you didn’t come into this world to fit into it you came to change it, all of you did.” In that instant, my longing for worldly connection and acceptance faded, replaced by a broader perspective. This isn’t our home we came to, this is a place we are hoping to teach, learn, and grow so that we may return to our heavenly home. We are here to purify our hearts and help change the hearts of others. Though we are often reminded to be in the world and not of it, this truth can be difficult to grasp when raised in a culture that values conformity. Those who choose a different path may inevitably feel isolated. Many who walk the way of Christ and try to emulate him will feel this way, after all, He was rejected by the world. So it’s natural to feel like you don’t fit in. I valued what I had learned that day in the church parking lot, but imagine my joy when, during the October General Conference, Brother Brad Wilcox made the statement “do not let the world change you, you came here to change the world!” I nearly fell off of my chair and I had to I smile.

So, what does this mean? Is it beneficial to feel like an outsider? Not necessarily. However, it’s important to understand that as a follower of Christ, you may often experience a sense of disconnection from the world. This feeling is not a negative reflection on you but rather a testament to your unique mission. Rather than trying to find out where you “fit in,” look for what your purpose is. Finding your purpose will naturally draw to you people and situations that fit who you are and why you are here. In this manner, you will find connection and feel valued and needed. Once that happens, you will understand that you never came here to conform to the world but instead to bring positive change and purify hearts so that people can conform to Christ instead of the world.

Last night, I was watching the final episode of The Chosen, season one. They touched upon a topic that echoes the message I have striven to express in every fireside I have done; forgiveness and letting go of the past so we may fully embrace the Gospel today. In the scene, Jesus and the disciples are on a journey, and some of them begin to grow concerned because they feel they are getting off track. When they start to point out to Jesus that there is a safer way to where they are going, he informs them that they are going to Samaria. The announcement causes grave concern for fear of violence due to the turbulent history between the Samaritans and Jews. Big James comes forward and says,

“But Rabbi, the Samaritans…”

“What is your point, Big James?” Jesus asked.

“These were the people who profaned our temple….” Big James answered, to which Jesus so wisely replied;

“And we destroyed their temple a hundred years ago, and none of you here were present for any of these things.” 

In this statement, Jesus brings attention to the dangers of focusing on negative or violent events of the past, including human error. His message to them expresses the reality that we are surrounded by now; that if focus remains on mistakes of the past and holding grudges, then focus is not on the gospel today and our role in it. This has been the experience of so many who have become caught up in doubt when faced with proven or perceived human error they have discovered in history. Once the door to that doubt is opened, testimonies are weakened, and in many cases lost. 

In journey to Samaria scene, the conversation ends by Jesus simply saying, “we’ll be fine …. follow me.” It is that simple, humans just seem to complicate it. We will surely be fine and need to lay aside concerns about a past that we weren’t even there to witness and see for ourselves. After all, how many of those mistakes are actually true and how many are based on speculation? When we see or hear things that cause doubt or fear as we are in the midst of building the kingdom and gathering Israel, we must remember those words… “we’ll be fine, follow me,” and move onward.

Those who truly know and love the Savior are drawn where the light is strongest. After many generations of living in spiritual darkness, where the light was very dim, there began to stir in the hearts of men a desire for truth to come forth. They yearned for knowledge that conformed more fully to the early teachings of Christ, without the added doctrines of men. Thus, was ushered in the time of the Reformation. Great ministers opened their mouths in defense of the Word of God, laying down their lives in the process. They were persecuted and forced to flee in secret, until the wave of aggression carried them over to the American Colonies in search of religious freedom.

As generations passed in the Colonies, many different religions were organized. They began to quarrel one with the other over who was the most correct. Thus was the pattern of events that led to the Restoration in 1830; the ebb and flow of activity that prompted people to speak and move for reasons they did not completely understand but we see today. When one studies over the trials, joys, successes, sorrows, and enlightenment that coursed through those early pioneers of the Reformation and Restoration, it is clear to see why their testimonies were so strong. In contrast, the times we now live in have created an atmosphere that makes it more difficult for many to maintain an unbreakable testimony, and the adversary knows that he can use the past to shake the foundations of even the strongest fortress of faith. However, we always have at our hand the strongest armor and the most powerful defense if we just turn to the Savior.

Those of you who know my story are acquainted with the many traditions I was raised with; traditions I found later to be skewed or untrue altogether. Unfortunately, there were also some unpleasant incidences and human error I found to be true in Church history; choices made in anger that created discord. But who am I to judge? I wasn’t there and people often say things they do not really mean to when in a temper. I shudder to think of where I would be now had I put aside my testimony because someone in the past or present committed human error, after all the gospel is perfect so why would I leave it due to someone else’s mistake? I was fortunate to have a mother who taught me to move forward if the Holy Ghost is leading me; to keep my eyes, mind and heart on the Savior so acutely that when doubts do creep in as a result of something I read or hear, I do not hesitate to keep on my path. As I have climbed such mountains, I was given peace of mind.

We must always remember that in any organization and history thereof, one will find a great amount of good. However, a foundation that has good intentions will always have mysteries, speculations, hearsay, misconceptions, and mistakes, all of which lead to contention and division– a complex recipe for chaos that is the adversary’s favorite dish to serve. Why? Because it is an endless cycle he can draw us into that will occupy our thoughts to the extent that we become consumed, our minds and hearts twisted until we find our testimonies slipping away. At that point we are no longer focused on the Gospel and he has won.

The peoples of the past were like the people of today are; human beings, most of whom had good intentions but made mistakes along the way. Those people have the same right to forgiveness as we do. It is wrong for us to condemn them or the Church for any errors that may have occurred. If the Savior can forgive them then we most certainly can and should. In these times it is vital to keep our focus on the Gospel today so that we can magnify it and enrich the lives of others through it. My focus remains on the Gospel, spreading the pure love of Christ, and moving forward because all will be well if we just follow Him.

This past year has been a monumental shift on so many levels throughout the world. Not one person has emerged unscathed, and we are still in the midst of the turmoil. The struggles for our health and livelihood are being played out in the arenas of government, social media, and even within our own family circles. Opinions and disputes have divided many, and the noise is so extreme that for some, it has drowned out the still, small voice. Compared to just a few years ago, so much has changed and seems out of character. In fact, society has striven at an accelerated pace to change the character of goodness to a point that it has become unrecognizable. What was once sound moral fiber is unraveling, and it is happening right before our eyes.

We were told of this time, long ago, and here it is before us; the impromptu seasonal weather changes, drought, social and moral decline, deviation from our Father in Heaven, worldwide catastrophic events, and a pandemic. In its true prophetic warning from passages written ages ago, what was once good is now called bad, and what was called bad is now labeled as good.

Matthew 24:8 tells us that these things are just labor pains, a time of warning for those who are listening, so they are prepared for the coming times. So should we live in fear of all of these signs? Goodness, no. Fear is not a characteristic of the Lord. We only fear when we do not know Him or His ways. It is wise to be observant and prepared, but more importantly to live life every day to its fullest. There are those who spend their whole lives focused on end times to such an excess that they forget to live, putting a strain on familial and social relationships. Their minds are so wrapped around the concept of the world ending soon, that they are failing to do the very work they came here for.

During his leadership, Wilford Woodruff, fourth president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, was approached by several brethren who wanted his input on the timing of the second coming of the Savior. His answer was one of the wisest I have heard yet.

“I would live as if it were to be tomorrow, but I am still planting cherry trees.”(1) Here President Woodruff expresses the importance of living our daily lives in a functional, interactive, loving, and stable manner, building our spiritual environment in preparation for meeting the Savior, yet actively engaging in our temporal surroundings.

One vital process I believe we should all be involved in, concerning spiritual and temporal happiness in hard times, is the healing of our families from issues of the past and present. It is necessary to be a healthy and united family in order to not only withstand the times that are coming but to be worthy to stand in the presence of our Father in Heaven and his Son Jesus Christ. It is the responsibility of the generations alive today to work their way back, taking an extensive glimpse into their family’s journey to see where the paths have been fragmented. These altered paths have become overtaken by briars and thistles, causing many to deviate and go astray, becoming embittered toward siblings, cousins, parents, and children; a travesty that has built many thick, generational walls. These walls have cut asunder the relationships of many would-be friends and family members.

If there has been any time that the need was great to bring our families together it is now. Without that bond, there will be many who will scatter in chaos as times grow even darker. The change comes through forgiving and loving ourselves and one another. As we do so, we can let go of the issues we have been holding on to for generations. We cannot cling to those issues and the Savior at the same time, so it is vital to let the issues go and embrace Christ. As we do so we will be filled with the light of his pure love and our wounds will heal. If we will just take that step, He will hold us up and show us how to get through all of our trials, pain, and sorrow. We will become whole, and the reward will be a fullness of joy. Elder D. Todd Christopherson, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said of the Savior:

“We can turn to Him as we seek unity and peace within because He understands. He understands the struggle, and He also understands how to win the struggle.” (2)

I have always felt Christ in my life, even as a child. I encountered many difficulties while growing up, and it was not uncommon for me to talk to him in search of comfort. When I felt that there was no other friend to be had, I knew that He was there and would never leave me alone. Having the comfort of that bond has saved me in many ways from going down paths that would have endangered my spirit, and at times when I did fall by the wayside, His hand was always extended to help pull me up, I had only to reach for it.

The values I have gained through the knowledge of His love has made it possible for me to process the darkness that has surrounded members of both my father and mother’s family, allowing me to sift through the bitterness to find truth. It has been a long journey, filled with unexpected surprises, pain, fear, and hesitations but I have always walked forward because I knew I was supposed to. I knew that in all things I would be guided by the Holy Ghost if I had faith and would never be led astray. Even though at times there was no indication as to where I was going or what lay ahead, I have never been disappointed and always felt at peace.

This journey is ongoing. I am still learning and discovering as we should all be. Knowledge never decreases unless we allow it to. It is so interesting for me to look back upon the pages of what has brought me here, to examine my life. It puts into perspective the awareness that our Father in Heaven plans things out carefully, and that we are free to choose whether or not to go in directions in which we are prompted. How we choose defines our lives at that moment and determines whether or not we will increase or decrease in spiritual growth.

As I look back, I have seen the sorrow of electing to go my own way because of fear, the wisdom of choosing what is right, and the fulfillment of following the promptings of the still, small voice. In this strange and ever-changing season, it is so important to keep the Savior in our hearts at all times; to gather our families, to be aware of our surroundings yet mindful of staying focused on what we are here to do, and always rely on the Holy Ghost in all things–no matter how scary the world makes things seem. Remember that the Savior is your friend at all times, and He is always there with arms outstretched.

I learned from my mother at a very young age, that the Holy Ghost trumps everything. No matter what questions arise concerning contrasts in history, imperfect human behavior, the skewed perceptions of others, and how dark the world seems around us–this Gospel is true because the Holy Ghost has born witness to it, and He is the one who will never lie to us; indeed, the Holy Ghost trumps everything.

1. Evans, Richard L., “The Power and Privilege of Repentance.”
   Conference Report, April 1950,
   pp. 102-106

2. Christofferson, D. Todd, “That They May Be One in Us.”
General Conference. October 2002
<https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2002/10/that-they-

Music: The soft mist that settles into crevices where nothing else can reach.

-Kimberly Jo Smith

In life we experience so many degrees of trauma it is a wonder that we can gather a fraction of coherent thought or reasoning. But I have found that Heavenly Father has equipped us all with various forms of natural anti-depressants in the form of compassionate service, fellowshipping, art, reading, writing, positive media, and then there is music. I have found whenever a dark cloud forms over me that music is a driving force which dissipates that cloud very quickly.

Someone once asked me if I hum very often, for while in her home she noticed that I hummed a lot. I responded that I hum every day without even thinking and had done so since I was little. She then went on to say that it was an inner healing mechanism which had probably saved me in many ways because the vibration of notes carried throughout my body, creating a relaxing calm. I didn’t think about it much at the time but have since looked deeper into the effect music has on us physically, mentally and spiritually. In doing so I can see why the Lord made music so much a part of our lives and how the adversary has used it as well. There is a marked difference in the attitude and personality of those who listen to fun, uplifting music and those who listen to dark, degrading music of hopelessness. One brings a happy jolly disposition as well as healing; the other a dark, reclusive, and destructive personality. So it is indeed true we must always be wary of the kind of music we listen to.

As I considered the many elements behind our interaction with music I began to reflect about my own history with it. Many individuals have written me asking where that sound comes from, the style and harmonies that my son and I employ when we are on stage, and my first response is, “From the Tennessee mountains,” because that is where I am from and what has influenced me the most. But a more accurate answer would be from within.

The scriptures tell us that we all come to this earth with specific gifts and talents (quote) and to utilize them. My first memories involve music. My father always played the guitar and he was in a Bluegrass band and when I heard them play it moved something inside of me. He taught me and my sister in one sitting how to sing lead and how to do harmony, and we picked it up like it was one of our own limbs, a natural part of who we were.

When I grew older I noticed that certain music, particularly older, southern gospel genres, would bring tears to my eyes. Something about it touched me within. That is when I decided to dig into my heritage and see just how deep the music went. On my father’s Smith side I can trace music back to the 1830’s. Each generation had musical talents with some of Joseph and Emma Smith’s children and grandchildren composing hymns that were in Restoration hymn books. From the resources I found, the majority of my ancestors on the Smith side were very adept in vocal abilities as well. On my mother’s side music was also prevalent. Her family grew up in the East Tennessee Mountains where my Mammaw and Pappaw engaged in Sacred Harp singing, a raw type of gospel that originated in the Appalachian Mountains in the late 18^th to early 19^th centuries. (For a brief history visit fasola.org)

After researching my musical roots I came to a better understanding of why music is so embedded within me. It brought to me a realization of just how important it is to know one’s heritage, for it is that heritage which explains who we are and why we have some of the tendencies that we do. I do not believe an ancestor’s song dies when they leave this earth, it carries on to be realized in a more magnified manner for a different time. So now, when I am composing and writing I appreciate the source from where those talents came from; generations of ancestors and above all a Heavenly Father who gifted us with those talents.

There are so many stories to tell of our past and present in music, art, dance and many other modes which can uplift and heal. It is so important to cultivate any talent we have been given and use it to bring happiness to those around us.